am i really a loser?

these past few days, i feel like being in between of hating myself and still loving myself. it's pathetic 'cause no matter how hard i try to convince myself that i shouldn't feel this way, i still couldn't afford to do it. i still can't. i just can't. i honestly am...sad. i feel like i'm such an idiot in class. ang bobo bobo ko. yun. my frustrations are killing me. i want to better myself yet, i do not know how and there's a part of me that says that i should not cause there's no need to. i'm half between just being myself and pretending to be someone else. i feel like i am not catching up with everything that's going on. i may be good in some of my class activities but, oftentimes i feel such a dummy. a rotten dummy. there are also times that i feel i am being exploited just like in a group work. my groupmates would let me handle almost all the hard stuffs by myself then afterwards i unfortunately do not get what i deserve. i feel so doomed. i know i am giving the best that i've got but everything seems to be off place. i just cannot make the ends meet. i feel hopeless though i know i shouldn't be. because of this, i've been entertaining bad thoughts lately... of how i want to run away from school and earn my own money for a meantime then go back to school again, of how college education sucks 'cause after all the hardwork and the pain you'll still gonna end up going abroad or making it into the call centers just to have the amount of salary that this freakin' country cannot give you, the salary which you think you undoubtedly deserve. i know i need a lot of room for fixing myself. i need a lot of concentrating to do so that i'll be enthusiastic again to go to school. i'm losing my passion already...i just want to fade away. but i cannot. so, i try to hold on really tight to my parents. i do not want to disappoint them. i'm afraid that's the only reason i've got.