prisoners of ourselves.

i'm all fed up with money. i could still picture my mom, dad and i almost falling into a huge trap of petty argument just because of it. that's it. maybe, we're really are in hell right now without it due to the fact that my dad's still stucked at home for 4 months now. that means, no work - no pay. i've never cared about it that much though, actually i am just so happy that i get to spend a lot more time with him since he's been on his vacation this long. by the way, the truth is, he just resigned from his previous job in abu dhabi because he thinks that he can earn more money than what they're giving him.now, he's just waiting for his employer's call. i think he'll be living off for canada. sooner or later. the thing here is that, i can absolutely feel the tension. as what i've written in my previous post, i am actually planning of stopping my schooling just to get a job and work for a meantime, save some money for my own needs then go back to school again. but now, my mom's also planning of getting a job - abroad. the idea sucks for me because it makes me feel that we're that hopeless. i just cannot imagine my mom leaving my 2 year old brother here just to clean the house of some taiwanese or korean to earn some bucks. yeah, she's planning to work as a domestic helper for a maximum of three years. she told me she wants to work until we all finished college. though of course, i have nothing against domestic helpers i still cannot let her go. i don't want her to do that. i don't want her to leave. what if something bad happens to her there just like the other OFWs? i could never take it. and what i cannot really take above anything else is the fact that she's gonna do it just to finance our schooling. i must admit, my course is kinda costly film and audiovisual arts - no - it is really costly. just thinking about the production budget that i'll be needing in the future for our productions is fairly enough to depress me. then what about my thesis? oh puhlease. i know, i know it is really an expensive course. but what can i do? that's where my interest lies? do i have to start making up my mind again * i just shifted from uplb where i took up BA communication arts* right now and make my plans for shifting to another more economical course? 'cause honestly, my mom's idea makes me feel sOooo guilty. what should i do? should i really stop schooling and help first my parents with the budget and all? or do i go all the way til i burn my parents' pockets? ugh. i'm so dead confused. i don't know what to think. i don't even know how to think - right.