The Host.

Isn’t it funny how people mistake you as being a flexible bulletproof ? Free from pain…always a savior?

Isn’t it also freaky and silly how they seem to have you as someone to complete what’s lacking in them?

A bricked-wall to lean on maybe? A heroine when they’re feeling a bit edgy? The redeemer of their damned life? I just couldn’t stand them knowing that they, too are aware of themselves as they become parasites. It would also be a good hypocrisy if I’m gonna say that I like they way they suck my blood. That I love being The Savior.

However, I am of course very much aware that every one of us (including myself) also becomes a baby (or a monstrous adult) vampires at some point of our (damned) lives. We need to suck blood from the innocent (and kind-hearted & unfortunate?) ones in order to survive. On the other hand, we also become The Host at times. The poor host who have nothing (and no one) to defend herself/himself. I must also say that it only becomes sickening if the sucking of those parasites happen most of the time (if not all the time) and if they leave you helplessly unconscious on the ground at the end. They would say sorry at the middle of your weakness hoping that you would understand (haller?). How pathetic! Yeah, sorry is good but sorry doesn’t really lessen the damage or the pain. In reality, sorry just makes the pain even more immense. It’s like a dead – end. You’ve got nowhere to go and so you are turning back, and turning back has made you (finally see and realize things) say sorry. It’s like saying that “I didn’t have any other option. I’m sorry I am weak. I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry… (there is nothing I could do)”. It’s just that – terrible. Like saying good luck instead of God bless. Like a consolation prize for the most-hopeful candidate. Like the worn-out clothes of your elder sister/brother. Like naïve excuses and bad analogy (such as these ones).

Well, it’s just that perhaps I’ve grown bitter at the moment. Some situations occurred at the time which made me recollect those (lots of) similar instances wherein I am usually The Host. Yeah, I’ve grown bitter yet I know that this too will pass. Realizations like this make you comfortable sometimes (well at least for me), knowing that you’re cautious enough to protect yourself from vampires (and other parasites) which may suck your blood – again. For the meantime, I think I should regain first those RBCs and WBCs that I’ve lost so far.

I almost forgot that I also need them to breathe…to survive. I’m fixing myself now and (at last) I’m doing it alone.

how beautiful that could be?